preamble

This Winter, my stepdad, Barry, took my daughter Nadia and I on a 12 day Alaskan cruise. We had just gotten an adorable kitten, so after a nice bath with her, we were on our way to Seattle.

embarkation

After a lovely day in Seattle we were ready to embark on the Norwegian Sun. When we got on the ship, we entered through the cafeteria, where there was so much delicious food. When we left that cafeteria we entered another cafeteria. Turns out they are everywhere, so we ate a lot on this trip.

accommodations

After much eating, we went to our cabins, which were amazing. We had a gorgeous balcony and I would leave the door open all night while I slept to get the wonderfully crisp Alaskan air. I would wake up every morning to sunlight and the sound of the sea. The beds were so soft and luxurious. As a veteran, on my cabin desk was a very official looking folder which contained military-style orders commanding me to have fun and do whatever I want, as well as a really nice coin (military thing), a patch, and a lapel pin. These folks are on-point.

Juneau

After an awesome day on the ship hanging out with a bunch of really cool folks from all over, and wondering why I quit drinking even though I had an all-inclusive ticket, we were headed to Juneau and the Mendenhall Glacier. Juneau is the capital of Alaska, and from what I saw, a pretty lame town seemingly built only for tourists. Being that as it may, I wasn’t here to hang out in town; so off to the glacier followed by a Salmon Bake. The glacier had a waterfall which I got under (yes, it was very cold), which for some reason made me very popular for the rest of the day. My kid climbed the rocks alongside the waterfall, which terrified everyone. After that I ate all-you-can-eat salmon in the woods, cooked over a fire, which gave me bubble-guts, and was totally worth it.

Skagway

The next stop was Skagway, Alaska. This was pretty uneventful, as it was another tourism-centered town. Apparently it had a silver mine, but it had been closed for some time. We walked around and picked up any items we needed and had a drink and a snack. The weather was unseasonably dry and sunny, as it was for the entire trip. It didn’t rain once in any port, which is very odd for Alaska, apparently.

Haines

Haines was a lovely town and the first Alaskan town that felt like a real place where people live. I could have spent a few days here, but, you know, cruise life. We went on a river rafting trip and saw like 30 Bald Eagles. They were everywhere. After the rafting we had a lovely snack and went over to the old Army Fort in town. Apparently Haines was in Canadian territory, but gold or silver was discovered, and we decided we wanted it; so a fort was established so Canada wouldn’t claim the area. God Bless America!

Then we sailed and laid eyes on the Hubbard Glacier…

Sitka

Next stop… Sitka, Alaska. Another tourist town. We went on an otter viewing boat tour. Mannnn, this tour was a snoozefest. We saw some sea otters and whales from far away, but if you have seen these particular animals before, it was pretty unexciting. We arrived at a salmon hatchery, and as I was about to dive off the boat and consign myself to the pelagic depths, a bear arrived. Everyone on the boat and nearby birds alike watched in amazement as this bear snatched 5 salmon in a row from this hatchery, stepped on their tails, stripped the flesh off of them in a single upward motion, like when you take a shirt off of your child, and devoured them. This went on for like 5 minutes. This bear saved the tour. Apparently bears are numerous, and a terrible pest in Alaska. They throw peoples trash all over the place, and are smart enough to open car doors and route through your stuff for food.

Icy Strait Point

Here things got dope. We got on a gondola over this cool forrest after disembarking, to go to the other side of town. Nestled in this forrest,we noticed from above, was this awesome obstacle course. Between a 7 year old and an ex infantryman, this was happening. We signed up for the course, which had all sorts of impressively difficult obstacles with ziplines dispersed throughout. Good times.

Ketchikan

On the rainy and beautiful island of Revillagigedo lies the town of Ketchikan. We entered the island thru an old pulp mill that apparently papered much of the nation at one point. We had a jeep excursion here. “But Falone, you already own a jeep” you say. Shut your disgusting mouths, you snivelling pigs. We off-roaded like champs and it was awesome. The forrest was beautiful. Then we went on a large war canoe to a forrest “beachhead” they had established for snacks. A fine day.

Victoria from the ship

Then we had a pit-stop in Victoria, B.C. in Canada. I didn’t get off because my kid finally took a nap, and we weren’t stopped very long. Also, it was Sunday, and everything was closed.

that’s a wrap

After all that we sailed back to Seattle and everyone went home, THE END…